Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   It's 2012. We're supposed to have flying cars and stuff. But no... Just pajamas that look like jeans.

   Eat pu$$y; it's organic.

   I'm not certain, exactly, when I became "old". But, I've narrowed it down to sometime between 1988 and last night, when I noticed Song Pop classify "Guns 'n Roses" as "Classic Rock"

   When I was young, I had to walk all the way to the TV to change the channels.

   ....Nothing says "F@#K YOU" better than "your call has been forwarded to automatic voice message center"

   Does Roseetta Stone work? I want to learn to speak Mexican!

   I rarely slip and fall, but when I do, I do it in front of a lot of people.

   I wish STD's on all people who still say YOLO.

   Its cute when a slut demands respect. B!tch the only thing your are getting is an STD.

   they did an MRI of my brain.....they found nothing.

   (o_o) dat wierd feeling you get when you take a sit and it is still warm coz some jus got up from it... *very discomforing*

   Republican convention next week.... Hurricane Isaac is predicted to hit Florida next week.... Even Mother Nature doesn't like Republicans.

   Somewhere, someone is thinking about you and the impact you made in their life.... It's not me, I think you're a prick.

   What if Oxygen makes our voice really deep.... And Helium just brings it back to normal?

   Your problem is not my problem even if your problem is me.

   I seriously need to get out of the house. Unless some generous woman with alcohol is coming over for sex. In that case I seriously need to stay home.

   We only stalk the ones we love.

   The older I get the more freaky and weird the sex has to be for me to get off. Someday you're gonna have to smack my clit with a shovel.

   Hey, I have an idea. Instead of complaining about your auto-correct every day, how about going into your settings & turning it off?

   I can tell by the way you give me instructions that you've dealt with a lot of dumb people before me.