Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Religion is the greatest hate crime ever perpetrated by one man upon another.

   Google is my spellchecker.

   If you can't be there for her tears, then don't expect to be around when other parts of her start gushing either...

   I'm starting to believe that most people wouldn't be that much different if they were turned into actual zombies....

   It's cool when a band smashes their equipment after their last song. It'd be even cooler if Creed did it before their first song.

   Congratulations to Iggy Pop who has managed to find a way to look great for his age and terrible for his age at the same time.

   To the additional pot that was on the stove after I thought I was done washing the dishes, I hate your stinkin' guts.

   "My phone's about to die." -Me, 30 seconds into every phone call ....

   Last night me and my girlfriend watched three DVDs back to back. Luckily I was the one facing the telly.

   I've got the moves like jagger! Just kidding, I dance like a retarded penguin.

   it just me or do country line dancers look like redneck zombies??

   The fastest way to fix that annoying noise in your car, is to just open the door..... And push her the f out.

   Be with a guy that ruins your lipstick, not your mascara

   Capitalism: work hard, become rich like rommney. Or sit at home and be a poor loser

   Ladies, holding out on sex with your man to get what you want will not work. He will just take longer showers.

   deep in the forest theres a metal box that controls most forest settings. toggle birds, set default leaf size, select season, squirrel ratio

   I remember the day I used to be so proud of my son. Now look at him.

   I want to make a puzzle that says "Get a job" after its completed.

   If a car in front of me is driving slow, I move to the side a little so the cars behind me can see I'm not causing the traffic

   I swear ugly people find love faster.