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Those people who try to tear you down are just pissed that they can't reach you where you are standing. 
remembering that day when I caught my GF in bed with my best friend, I walked up to him, grabbed him by the collar and said "bad dog!"
Get your mind out of the gutter - it's blocking my view.
Nothing cures insomnia like the realization that it is time to get up.
Great...now everybody is a damn food photographer. Hope this fad dies out quicker than Planking.
Remember how simple and happy life was before you met me? Yeah…I am sorry about that.
If I ever get deathly ill, please don't send prayers. Send doctors.
Do I look like Christopher Columbus to you? Am I guiding a ship to a new land? So, when I ask for directions, don't hit me with words like "northwest", "southeast"
Everything about you is sweet and kind and perfect. I can help you change that.
I just met the woman of my wet dreams...
Dear guy who sends batman messages using the sky light signal, it's 2012 just send him a text
Sometimes when I am filling up my car with gas, I like to take the antenna off the car challenge the person at the next pump over to a f@#king sword fight.
I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don't give a damn!
don't go broke trying to look rich... act your 'wage'
Heard they let some women into that fancy Augusta golf course. There is no shame in that. This is America, nobody likes a sausagefest.
I have my hesitations about Paradise City if the first thing you brag about is the color of the grass
Hoping to see some eyes come peepin around the camera's lens on Curiosity. Or at least a gnarled 3 fingered claw....
Or your a photographer now.. Where'd you go Instagram University?
Following someone on Twitter and complaining about what they tweet about is like phoning someone to tell them you don't want to talk to them
You know its going to be a bad week when skinny dipping while drunk at a holy site isn't your party's biggest scandal.
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