Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Man, pretending to care about a woman's feelings is hard work!!

   I blame poor bus stop signage for at least half of my solicitation arrests.

   If a fat lady gives me a donut, I consider it a sacrificial act on her part.

   Guys, when Adele goes "I heard that your dreams came true Guess she gave you things, I couldn't give to you" was it an@l? I bet it was an@l.

   My walks on the beach usually end with me passing out on the beach

   I'll leave your religion alone when your religion teaches you to treat everyone equally.

   You bound us together with your emotional handcuffs then swallowed the key. Now we're both waiting for it to come out the other end.

   If I do bring out the worst in you, why are you still here?

   There's no worse feeling than lying next to the person you love and they don't know you love them. Or that you're in their house again.

   "Some of the worst mistakes of my life have been haircuts."

   The problem with drinking and driving is that trees defend themselves very well.

   So, Tom Morello with Rage Against the Machine hates capitalism even though, thanks to capitalism, he's worth 60 million????

   Hey autocorrect, stop messing with my d@mn cur$e words. You m0ther forklift.

   The world ain't ending on the 21st of december 2012, cuz Marty, Jennifer and Dr. Brown from Back To The Future II will be coming to this world on 15th of October 2015.

   The way kids are these days it won't be long till MTV has a show called tween mom.

   My wrist injury is better now that Olympics women's beach volley is over.

   I grew up in a tough neighborhood. Frequently, the green berets would pick on me. People call them Girl Scouts, but whatever...

   Behind every good time ...there is alwayz a crime.

   Pissing people off since 1989....And getting better at it everyday !!!

   Girl: "Go on, don't be shy and ask me out." Boy: "Ok, get out."