Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Phrases i'll never understand... #71 - "You better hunker down if you want to finish on time." Seriously? Hunker Down???

   I really wish "Mayhem" from Allstate would eliminate "Flo" from Progressive!

   Why can't 2 women play monopoly at the same time? Because There's only one iron

   Having a hell of a time getting my leg out of this blood pressure machine at Walmart

   Where is a factory that makes bath salts? Someone should start it on fire and kick start the zombie apocalypse.

   According to my sidebar ads, I am a fat lesbian who needs a new Honda.

   They should make a reality TV show called, "Jersey Shore meets Shark Week"

   Ive been to many second hand stores in my day and never have I come across a rasberry beret

   Government: Trickling Poverty up, so every one is Equal today......

   Won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then I realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom.

   Stupid Nexium commercial : "You wouldn't want your doctor doing your job." Yes I would. I want anyone besides myself to have to do my job.

   I ran 3 miles after work today and stopped by Arby's and got me LARGE chedder cheese and roast beef samich and some fries . Take that Michelle .

   Obama just endorsed oxygen. Republicans immeditely starting holding their breath.

   I would love to agree with you, but there is no point in both of us being wrong.

   Don't waste sweetness on someone that is bitter.

   Wow! My political opinion just changed because of what you posted on Facebook” – said no one ever.

   Love doesn't need to be perfect, it just needs to be true.

   That awesome moment when you flip your pillow over to the cold side.

   Alien 1: “Did the humans get our message?” Alien 2: “Yeah, but they named it dubstep and dance to it.”

   My wife was banned from Disneyland for knocking Pinnochio down, sitting on his face and screaming "Lie to me!! Lie to me!"