Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   call me a weasel, a coward or a jerk but whenever I am feelin smothered, manipulated, controlled, used, trapped or suffocating in a relationship I always bail out.

   Sometimes I wish every guy gets a girlfriend like mine...why the hell should only I suffer.

   One Flush: Courtesy. Two flushes: Don't go in there! Three flushes: run for your lives, she's gonna blow!

   I am so sorry they can't dislodge my stress ball from your ass :(

   I had a star named for you. Now everyone can look up in the sky and say "look, there's the Tremendous Ass!".

   You had me at 'gender realignment scars'.

   One nicely manicured pu$$y is worth two in the bush.

   Unless you're a dog, you shouldn't be that excited to see me.

   FUN THING TO WRITE ON A POST CARD: "Weather is great, having tons of fun! Are you still planning to murder your mailman?"

   When my kids look back on the photos of my life they'll think, "Wow, he wore that shirt a lot."

   I should not be punished for you being stupid

   I was angry when my neighbors put a fence around their swimming pool but then I got over it

   I just got flipped off from a guy in a smart car. I didnt know if I should be mad or laugh.

   I'm so hungry I could drink 5 more beers.

   I'm at my best when no one is around.

   I believe in evolution by natural selection. But I have one big problem with it. Its not fast enough and there are too many safeguards in place not to let nature do its thing.

   Not to be vague, but stuff and things.

   Mature content. Blood, intense violence, and strong language. Like a woman on her period.

   I like to zumba but usually its only because I'm either trying to put on my socks, tie my shoes, or put on my underwear!

   Women....why does your purse need a seat of it's own?