Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   It should be an Olympic event to press "skip this ad" on YouTube before I find out what it was for.

   I didn't see a single Olympic wrestler use the sleeper hold or figure four leg lock...

   That custom taylored Italian suit can easily be ruined by the default Nokia ringtone......

   Why is it when you barely miss a 30 foot putt and everyone says it's a good putt? You make a 30 footer and everyone says it was luck…

   Of Course I talk to myself... Sometimes I need expert advice!

   Do what you love, but run like hell as soon as you hear the sirens.

   If the plural for goose is geese, why isn't the plural for moose meese?

   Whenever God closes a door,, he usually pushes me out of a window..

   My neighbors are slamming doors and screaming at each other, keeping me awake. I retaliated by playing Nickelback super loud, We all lose tonight.

   Hearing noises when you're home alone and just accepting the fact that you're going to die.

   That feeling when you get annoyed of texting the same people everyday.

   They ignore you now, but they'll need you later.

   dear super bowl halftime organizers. You watching the Olympics??

   Dear sleep, I know we had problems when I was younger, but now I love you.

   Damn! Freddie Mercury has never looked better!!

   America, a country where people spend half of their money on food, and the other half on losing weight.

   Okay, calm down. Its a spider. Just one tiny litt- HOLY MOLY IT MOVED!

   If you're 13 & under & have a Facebook, that's cheating. You gotta start from Myspace —-> Twitter —-> Facebook. Just like everybody else.

   I spent an hour explaining how WiFi works to my dad and my dog... The dog gets it.

   If Facebook were an Olympic sport i'd be on the cover of a Wheatie's box.