Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   It must be awkward when a plumber's crack gets blocked.

   I don't understand why people go to the gym all the time... everything there's so heavy.

   That fantasy or religious belief you find so ridiculous might be the only thing giving someone enough strength to avoid suicide.

   I'm not always a gentleman in the bedroom, but I will hold the door for you so you can leave afterwards

   Don't be upset at your lady for checking me out. Instead compliment her on her great taste

   I wonder if Jesus knows that everyone just pretends to be his friend so they can move into his sweet cloud house.

   Sometimes I need what only you can provide: your absence.

   Randy Travis' meltdown was so bad Al Gore is making a documentary about it.

   The absolute worst thing I did when I was drunk was getting married.

   I haven't had this many women fawning over me since the day I came home from the hospital as a newborn.

   9 out of 10 men like girls with big boobs and the 10th guy likes the other 9 guys.

   Its finally Friday! Felt like it took a week to get here!!

   Today at the supermarket I expressed my displeasure at the price of milk via the medium of dance.

   To my opponent in songpop that keeps selecting "Classic R&B"... no one likes you.

   Ever notice that as soon as you wash your car, sprinklers that you have never seen before suddenly become active just as you drive up.

   if man evolved from monkeys, why are there still monkeys??

   wondering why everyone is so excited about landing a rover on Mars. Did everyone forget that we've been landing junk there (including 2 other rovers) since 1976.

   Dear Google, Stop making stupid doodles to f**k with the productivity of the employees of other offices.

   I hate it when I am flirting with a hot girl and the fat girl between us thinks I am flirting with her fat ass.

   When a man orders salad and wine at dinner, I order a huge steak and a beer, because someone has to show him how not to be a pu$$y.