Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   People are so excited about the 100m Olympic times, but Jason Voorhees could beat all those clowns just walking.

   I walked into the Dentist's office and he asked me what the problem was and I said ''Doc, I think I'm a Giant Moth!'' He said ''You need a Psychiatrist not a Dentist, why did you come in here?'' I told him ''The light was on!!!''

   Cat burglars commit daring robberies with stealthy skills, while kitten burglars are so cute people just give them stuff.

   Olympian's earn their medals every 4yrs........In Afghanistan our servicemen earn their medals every day!!!

   I do not care how old I am. I am going in the bouncy castle!

   Religion is a multi-billion dollar industry and those benefiting financially from it will do everything in their power to keep the con going.

   some people are like clouds, once they f__K off it becomes a nice day.

   If all else fails in my life I can always become a priest and earn a living through that gig.

   It's funny how the Chinese are competing to win back medals they probably made a month ago!

   I don't know what hurts my wrist more, playing volleyball or watching women's volleyball!

   SCORE! Some girl on my friends list asked me to meet her for drinks tonight! All I need to do is hit the ATM and lose 70 lbs by 8 O'Clock.

   What!? High schools with daycare centers!!....Now see what you did MTV by having that 16 & Pregnant mess! I hope you're happy.

   My boyfriend is walking out on me because of my obsession with Call of Duty. It's okay, he won't get far. I put a claymore by the door.

   How many divorced men does it atke to change a light bulb?......No one knows they never keep the house!

   I married my wife for her looks........just not the ones she's been giving me lately!

   I got a job as a bounty hunter in China. Couldn't believe my luck, every time they put a new wanted poster up, the guy they were after was standing right next to me!

   waiting for the chinese to develope a way for me to order my food online and not have to listen to their crap anymore.

   so youre looking for a good guy who will love and respect you, but yet you post half naked pics on your fb? why thats. .thats brilliant!

   Dear Maroon 5: You can borrow my phone as long as you promise never to sing again.

   You never see Micael Pelps's father in the stands because he is a dolphin.