Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   In Call of Duty you can get booted for inactivity, let's put this into dating rules.

   Babe, you can find the key to my heart in any liquor store.

   My online password is now strong enough for their website. But now it's too complicated for me.

   The only time sex should be taken off the table is if I am moving her to the counter instead

   National anthem of jamica isn't bob marley?

   My pet peeve: ketchup bottle precum

   with the intergration of females into the NFL referee ranks the need for instant replay will soon be a thing of the past. In my experience WOMEN ARE NEVER WRONG!! SO this is a Win!!Win!!

   Lady referee: What? What happened, why did he run into the other team? Throw it, throw it, throw it…why didn't he throw it??? You wants more dip?

   NASA has some crazy $hit on their bucket list!!

   I hope that lady referee doesn't have a mic...

   Curiosity left earth so long ago it's using a Polaroid...

   There's people who can build machines to explore other planets and then there's people telling you where to eat chicken sandwiches. Just sayin

   Good judgement comes from experience. And all of that comes from bad judgment.

   One must respect the "every-other urinal" law. There are 10 open urinals, why would you want to pee right next to another dude?

   The five second rule also applies to wearing sunglasses indoors.

   I'm pretty sure God created only 6 days, Monday was definitely made by Satan.

   “I wish there was a more convenient way to stalk others”- The phrase that started Facebook

   Friendships must be built on a solid foundation of alcohol, sarcasm, inappropriateness, and shenanigans. 

   I hope the Olympics has taught kids and parents that in real life you do not get a trophy just for participating.

   Second chances: When it just didn't hurt enough the first time.