Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   going to watch the Mars Rover landing tonigt just to find out if chicks really have 3 boobs there.

   Sitting on the toilet this morning, I was reminded of my first divorce. At first I thought it had been a clean break, but then it got messy and there was lots of paperwork.

   strange, I dont remember eating dental floss

   Millions of Martian cats are fleeing in terror, at this moment

   You'd think at some point, one of Antonio Banderas's friends would have bought him a hair dryer as a gift. I mean, they're only like $25.

   I am underwhelmed by the Mars rover landing pictures. You would think at this year 2012 we could get some colored pictures and video.

   Mars rover "Curiousity" has landed and less an hour later, something has stole 2 rims off of it...

   NASA didn't make that happen, someone else did!

   I love it when you push my buttons, baby. But touch my car radio presets and I'll have to push you into oncoming traffic.

   I love morning sex....... Ok I love it anytime.

   I'm hiding all my porn on VHS. Even if my kids find it, they won't know what to do with it.

   A walk of shame is always sad. Don't make it worse by adding the sound of Flip flops to it.

   Ladies, if you want something fixed around the house, don't offer your man sex. Just start fixing it yourself. Your welcome.

   My neighbor is very weird. Every time I have a party, he invites himself to my house, goes to the fridge and takes back all the beers I stole from him.

   I hate people who kiss the boss's ass right after I compliment his new haircut.

   There's a special place in hell for autocorrect

   Curiosity just landed on Mars. I hope there will be a picture of the 3 titties lady..

   Its amazing that we as people get curious and it cost a lot of money we just say "nah... its not worth it" but when the government gets "Curiosity" They spend billions on it.

   95% of every relationship is navigating the question "Where should we eat?" without it turning into World War III.

   Substituting coffee for sleep is like substituting deodorant for a shower.