Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Life is too short so don't dance with fat girls

   But it's a Stress Ball, I thought I was suppose to throw it at who, or whatever was stressing me out . .when I seen the blue and red lights flashing, and that loud siren. . . .wait, wha? How am I suppose throw it with hand-cuffs.

   I just bought a television! It's amazing the price difference between a 47 inch T.V. and a 50 inch T.V. is a couple hundred dollars! In real life for an extra 3 inches I would pay thousands!!!

   The Olympics are only around to make white people feel good at sports

   The noblest of dogs of all dogs is the hot dog , It feeds the hand that bites it !!

   My wife walked out on me after I blew our life savings on a penis extension. She said she just couldn't take it any longer.

   So today Gays and Lesbians are going to chick-fil-a to kiss in protest of the company. I'm hoping to go to see Some hot lesbian action, but it will probably be a bunch of dudes sucking face. #DecsionsDecesions

   I should run for political office to see what kind of shit they bring up. It would be nice to piece together my twenties.

   The Girlfriend left a note on the fridge "IT'S NOT WORKING, I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE , I'M GOING TO MOTHERS " I opened the fridge, the light came on, The Beer was Cold,,, What the Hell is she talking about !?!?

   Welcome to Chik-Fila, doesn't really matters what you all protest for, as long as you EAT MORE CHICKEN!!

   i just want to know when the chick-on-chick-fil-a sandwich comes out

   Every Olympic event should include one average person competing, for reference.

   Tax free weekend: the only two days out of the year that the government isn't fckng us.

   If I was a judge in the Olympic Trampoline events, I'd give the Silver to the chick with the biggest boobs, Gold if she doesn't wear a bra.

   Welcome to Hollister would you like a gas mask, flashlight, or earplugs?

   Just got this porn called "Hot & Horny Housewives 3." Do you think I will understand what's going on if I haven't seen 1 and 2?

   BEST ADVICE: Be happy in front of people who don't like you, it kills them.

   Okay, no wait, here it is, wait... I can't even type this one.... too funny!!!

   I just read that Stevie Wonder is filing for divorce. I guess in the end, they just didnt share the same views!

   I went to Cost Cutters to get my sideburns trimmed today. The Hairstylist got all mad and kicked me out when I dropped me pants