Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   My favorite part of the bible is when god gives people free will and then kills everyone with a flood for not acting the way he wanted .

   I'm just a Flintstones girl, trying to make it in a Transformers world.

   It's not a problem getting caught with your hand in the cookie jar unless it's while you're drunk and naked in your neighbors kitchen.

   People who say I tend to give up too fast on things should- eh, know what, never mind.

   What if the dryer didnt take a sock, but actually gave us an extra sock - Some stoned dude

   Seeing the physique of the male swimmers in the relay today made me wanna do something. So I sat up, ate ice cream, and cried myself to sleep...

   My safe word is: You're doing it wrong, you idiot

   I always keep a gun in my glove box. Not for safety. For making people exit a moving vehicle when they b!tch about me listening to Bob Dylan

   If you quit school, just remember these two things... 1: You tried your best, and 2: I don't like pickles on my Big Mac.

   REALLY??.. You're on food stamps and using your IPhone 4 to complain about it on Facebook???.... This is why I sometimes feel like I should give up,,,,, why bother trying??

   songpop should get rid of modern rap and today's hits. neither have anything with actual music.

   Biggest disappointment ever: Seeing on the cable guide that The Karate Kid is on, only to scroll over it and find out it's the 2010 version.

   You know your getting old when "breaking the seal" means opening a bottle of Ibuprofen

   The U.S. men's soccer team failed to qualify for the Olympics this week,,,,, upsetting nearly 10 Americans.

   My wife said I have to stop watching Chopped after I packed our son's lunchbox with wild ostrich, candy corn, avocado & rainbow chard.

   The side effects of the new medicine I'm on include nausea, nausea, nausea, nausea, nausea,,, repeating things four times & difficulty adding.

   “I can't believe it's not butter!” - me watching Paula Deen use something other than butter as her first ingredient..

   If you get a recipe from a cannibal make sure it differentiates between ground chuck & ground Chuck.

   I Love when my Friends help to Identify themselves as Technologically-Retarded Idiots by changing their Status to: "WOW I cant believe that you can see who is viewing your Profile!"...

   Just remembering some of my elementary school days and chuckled when I remembered how sitting “boy, girl, boy, girl” used to be a punishment.