Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Many people don't know this, but you can quietly be a Christian, Muslim or Athiest.

   BOSS: Do you understand? ME: Yeah... BOSS: *Walks away* ME: What did she just say?

   Most folks don't know this, but you can quietly be Heterosexual, H0m0sexual or Metrosexual.

   How does a person from New Zealand find a sheep in tall grass? Very satisfying.

   I like you so let's get this nightmare they call a relationship started.

   Don't stare at me during sex! I don't know you!

   If I had a hammer, I'd most likely b!tch about my lack of nails.

   When I set the bar too high, I just go under it.

   I bet women's trust issues with men started with a weatherman.

   they say dogs and owners look alike.. is that why Obamas dog is sportin a fro and is black an white?

   My Level Of Maturity Changes Depending On Who I'm With

   I'm such a maverick. I refuse to make Sun tea. I'm making Moon tea, and let me tell you...that $hit's been on the back porch for 8 years and it STILL ain't done.

   Screw YOLO! Give me a ROLO!!!

   I always wanna take the waitress home with me and give her a tip there.

   All I wanna know is how the hell do you bring the lactose intolerant boys to the yard!?!?

   Get drunk and screw = dating ... Get drunk and argue = married

   China has really impressed me in the Olympics. They use the same person for every event!

   You can usually tell which people dressed as mascots on the side of the road are only doing it for the money.

   The way my son reacts when I approach his face with a tissue is the way you'd react if I approached your face with a nailgun.

   Wetting the bed is embarrassing enough as it is. I could do without the laughs from these jerks at Mattress Warehouse