Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Today is World Middle Finger Day...use it

   Women are weird and difficult and frustrating but they sure do taste good.

   I won't lie. I only started drinking coffee after I got too old for cocaine.

   So you mean to tell me a stress ball isn't for throwing at people who stress you out?

   Have you ever noticed that the crazies around h3re really suck at spelling and grammar?

   It's not pretty being easy.

   B!tch don't flatter yourself. You're not even on my radar.

   Ladies; The "JUICY" on the back of these shorts should really be on the front.

   Wow, the U.S. sychronized men's diving team are extreme h0m0sexuals.

   I work and pay taxes so the wealthy dont have to,

   There is over a billion people in China and there is also only two haricuts

   What is this "growing up" thing and how do I avoid it?

   Ladies, if you unnaturally alter your appearance so drastically it's all one sees, don't be shocked when you attract the shallowest of men.

   I once dated a girl with a parrot. The thing was crazy and never shut up! The parrot was cool though.

   I was eating Oreos, and I was dunking one in milk and the cookie broke and sank to the bottom. So now I'm just sitting here, staring at the glass and wondering why bad things happen to good people.

   It has been brought to my attention that the stick figures on soccer mom vans are actually NOT pedestrian "kill" scores and are actually meant to represent family members. I will remove mine immediately to avoid any further confusion.

   thanks to my typo I posted "Had a good first date last night. I licked her alot." I won't be getting a second date.

   I just masturbated without crying afterwards. Who's emotionally unstable now, SUSAN??

   I don't hate you! I just hope your next period happens in a shark tank...

   I've regretted being nice way more times than I've regretted being a douchebag.