Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Call my girlfriend.. Call my girlfrien.. Call oy girly.. Call of gurty.. Call of duty.

   Sick of seeing photos of everyone's food? Post a few of your meals on their walls...post digestion.

   Why did the chicken cross the road.....to get away from the gays

   Maybe this Chick-Fil-A thing was just a big misunderstanding...Where's Rodney King when you need him..

   People nowadays take pictures, not for memories, but to post them on facebook and get comments.

   On facebook* Hot person status: Just ate lunch. *86 likes 30 comments* .. Average persons status: *today is my birthday! *mom likes this

   I wonder how long it takes a girrafe to vomit!

   I tried cooking with wine tonight, after five glasses, I forgot why I was even in the kitchen

   "Bae" = The most annoying word known to man created by some ratchet female that was too lazy to say the whole word "Babe"

   weed"its something to do ,when there's nothing to do,that makes nothing to do,something to do

   Oh christ it's Olympic Soccer. If I wanted to watch someone struggle to score for 90 minutes, I'd take some of my single friends to the bar.

   Facebook is comprised of psych0s. 49% make you think that their lives are the most perfect thing ever, and the other 49% make you think that their lives are the worst thing ever. The other 2% are you n' me.

   ‎"Metrosexuality... Is the end to sexuality as we know it." - Homer Simpson.

   G0D must be a vegetarian. He never talks about eating meat...it's always "daily bread" this and "breaking bread" that and "take this bread and eat it to remember me by" etc. What a carb lover he turned out to be.

   If you ever find yourself wondering if there is someone new in their life, chances are there is.

   The lap dance is so much better when the stripper is crying

   Cuddled up to my girlfriend last night, she said, “Aw you finally chose me over Facebook!” I just didn't have the heart to tell her my battery just died.

   I wish I were Gilbert Gottfried. He made it big from his only defining talent. The ability to squint for an hour.

   I can summarise the 10 commandments into one: DON'T BE A DOUCHEBAG.

   "Thank god that day is over"-- Chikens