Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   So what's the best wine to bring to a job interview? Does anybody know? I got an interview tomorrow morning.

   So obama is a descendent of the first slave, thats such a convenient discovery around election time. I guess nobody thought about checking his family tree four years ago. ancestry.com also discovered romney's ancestors were the first slave owners..

   I've exercised with women so thin that buzzards followed them to their cars.

   Some say our national pastime is baseball. Not me. It's gossip.

   The list of artists featured in MTV Unplugged in 2011 up to the present tells you what kind of singers we have nowadays.

   You know its time to call it quits on that relationship when her shoes become more important to her.

   My failed brakes bring all the mechanics to the yard. And they like...(finish it off guys and make it funny)

   I need me a stress ball, because apparently squeezing people's hands isn't classed as good customer service.

   Ladies: that blood curdling scream you just heard was my warrior cry and definitely had nothing to do with a bee chasing me.

   Underwear, pants, then go outside. Underwear, pants, then go outside. You'd think I would have this nailed down by now.

   My first potential date since my breakup was canceled due to sleep. Also, her boyfriend might have been upset.

   Listen baby, You're the person I want to spend my life with for the next hour.

   You health nuts are gonna feel real stupid when you're laying in the hospital dying of nothing.

   What's the best poison for rats and people who reP0st sh!t??

   I almost forgot to update my status that I'd been to the gym. What a waste of a workout that would have been!

   What's a nice guy like you doing in a b!tch like her?

   When push comes to shove, isn't that just a fight waiting to happen??

   As a woman, it's part of my default settings to be right. Always.

   The Care Bears taught me so much growing up... no not the emotional crap. They taught me it was OK to stare.

   What's that movie where Tyler Perry pretends to be something he's not… you know, a director?