Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   I like to restate the obvious, it's important obviously

   Tomorrow can be just another day or it could be the first day of the rest of your life. Change happens by choice not coincidence.

   I've just spent the last 5 hours on mine craft accomplishing more than I ever will in real life

   Life ain't nothing but: female dogs and gardening tools!

   Wine is to women as duct tape is to men… it fixes everything.

   The people who deserve to live the best of life are the exact same ones living the worst of it.

   I sooo did not want to go on a run today but those cops came out of nowhere.

   You know when dogs sticks their heads out of a moving car window, bite at the air and it looks like fun? I tried it. It is.

   I've been constipated for 3 days now. I'm half expecting a ransom note from arse demanding money for the safe release of my next poo.

   Do you think superhero nemesis's use facebook to see who their friends are?

   I just saved a bunch of money on my car insurance by switching my car into reverse and driving away from the accident.

   The serenity of the beautiful sunrise this morning was broken by the sound of a cat hacking up a hairball somewhere in the house.

   Hey people making fun of Canada : I think Bryan Adams & Nickleback were just warning shots,,,,,, Let's try not to REALLY anger them..

   Of course China is dominating the olympics, they probably made all of the equipment.

   Cuba Gooding Jr...Show me the warrant!

   Nothing ruins your Friday faster than realizing it's only Wednesday.

   Dogs don't care if Bacon is crispy or not!

   Now that Snoop Dogg has reinvented himself as Snoop Lion, I would like to congratulate him on his newest reggae hits. You look and sound great in the new Red Stripe commercials, Snoop!!! Hooray Beer!!

   I thought gold medal women's rowing was what happens outside pubs across Britain every Saturday night....

   People like you are the reason people like me masturbate