Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   I FINALLY got a new i-phone,, and for those wondering how long it would take to get chocolate smudged in it?? Shut-up.

   My fat next door neighbor is lying face down on her front lawn. Don't know if she's passed out or eating the grass.

   The first thing I do when I answer the phone is hang up.

   "I'll make delicious food and you will eat it and then I will give you grief for getting fat and how you will die alone" - Mom

   Saw that Poland just won the country's first gold metal.... they were so happy, they had it bronzed!

   The world lost Steve Jobs about 10 months ago, which makes me think heaven by now must have wifi.

   Personally, I'm a big fan of wind mills.... Get it??

   Dude, I don't care if it is a suitcase on wheels. If you have a bag, I'm gonna call it a "murse."

   I don't take my wallet to work because I'm afraid someone will steal it while I'm sleeping.

   I love you, but I'm not in "change my relationship status on FB" love with you

   Your electric bill is not an acceptable topic of conversation.

   I WILL ANNOY YOU INTO LOVING ME!

   Your worst enemy lives in your head.

   Yes it may sound childish but if it glows in the dark I still get freaking exited.

   I wrote a status about unemployment earlier, but didn't post it. It needs some work.

   If I'm ever in jail my one call is going to be to the Kool Aid guy.

   Got my new Ghetto Book: 50 Shades of Cray Cray. It's just a picture book with women b!tching.

   When I was little, I remember falling asleep on the sofa and waking up in bed. Now that I'm older, I find myself passing out on the sofa and waking up on the floor.

   Whenever someone says to me "You look so familiar, where do I know you from?" I say, "Do you watch porn?"

   Trying to figure out why Japan seems to be doing so well at the swimming in the Olympics... and then like a giant wave crashing down it hit me.