Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   True irony: Getting a girl pregnant on a pull out couch.

   Some of these jokes are so old Jerry Sandusky wouldnt even touch em

   What the hell is up with "Fun sized" candy? There is nothing fun about less candy.

   Don't text me while I'm in the middle of texting you, now I have to change my whole message.

   My phone dies faster than Chris Brown on stomp the yard.

   No matter how old I get, I think mooning people will always be hilarious.

   We have three types of friends in life: Friends for a reason, friends for a season, and friends for a lifetime.

   Santa has elves. America has China.

   me watching the olympics making me feel fat

   gymnists used to look tiny and cute, now they look like they'll kick your @ss in a bar fight

   Skirts are so short now, the days of mirrors on top of your shoes are gone forever

   Those womens volleyball uniforms look like what my Uncle Ralph wore to our 4th of July picnic

   "I apologize for my vauge statuses on Facebook, they were actually about you. Let's handle this like mature human beings instead." - Nobody Ever

   I don't trust joggers! It's just a little too coincidental that they are the ones that find all the dead bodies!!!

   I was asked if I believed in Astrology! Of course my answer was no us Sagatarians are very skeptical people!!!

   You know your ''OLD'' when your age is higher than the whole Womens Olympic Gymnastic Team!!!

   I had a friend at school who's mum was cuban and dad was icelandic, so we called him an icecube. I had another friend who's parents were both French, so we called him a c\/Nt.

   Some girls should be given a separate web space where domains start from 'AWWW' instead of 'WWW'

   I have yet to be intimidated by fancy wine lists thanks to my vast knowledge of fancy wines and my eeny, meeny, miny moe system!!!

   Nothing Screams "You're stuck in friend's Zone" like when she tags you as her brother on FB