Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   I wish I got as excited to see other humans as my dog gets when he sees other dogs.

   The first rule of Passive Aggressive Club is sure, just talk about Passive Aggressive Club all you want... No, It's fine. Go ahead.. I don't mind.. WHATEVER..

   My refrigerator beeps for a problem, but it has trouble being more specific... "What's that, little guy? Timmy's fallen down the well?"

   OK..... Not making an Olympic Soccer joke today was one of my Gooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooals

   Whatever you do, please don't take off your...AHHHH!!! I asked you to not take off your makeup!

   If Costco doesn't start serving beer samples using a topless server, I'm seriously considering taking my business to Hooters!

   They need to put more spider poison in these air freshners .

   Therapy has taught me that it is all your fault.

   I am only writing this so people wont think I'm loney while sitting at the bar by myseld....

   World population:7,018,521,683....just incase some1 starts feeling too important

   Just remember foks, when ya ask to borrow someone's phone....nobody takes the newspaper into the bathroom anymore!!

   its no longer the little birdy that told you something. now days its "i seen it on facebook."

   I hate a liar more than a thief. A thiefs only after my salary. A liars after my reality.

   ah Summer. That time of year when you want sexy women to post bikini pics but only the fatties do.

   See a bug outside: Hi Mr Bug! See a bug inside: Die b!tch! Die!

   Hey, I just met you and girl you look crazy. What brands your make up, Crayola maybe?

   Nice guys finish last because they make sure their woman cums first. ; )

   Official sponsor and supplier for the London 2012 Olympic Games. ..RAIN !

   Before we had Facebook, we had actual friends.

   Weed is Illegal” “Yeah, so is the music in your iPod.