Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   I can see smoke on the horizon. God I hope it's rest of Monday burning to the ground

   What do you call a white guy who parties too much? A club cracker.

   China is now entering sperm as contestants in olympic swimming events, claiming they are of age.

   Boy asks his granny, "Have you seen my pills, they were labelled 'LSD'?" Granny replies, "Bugger the pills, have you seen the dragon in the kitchen?!"

   We are all turds in the punch bowl of life.

   A woman has sued a hospital, stating that, after recent treatment, her husband had lost interest in sex. The doctors replied: 'All we did was correct his eyesight'

   In sta gram was much more exciting when I thought it was a fast c0caine service.

   Serious fight has started in Olympics .... as a brazilian girl found her missing hair on a Nigerian Lady

   ''What doesn't kill you makes you smaller!'' -ask Super Mario

   Everybody who needed tech support was screwed when they outsourced it to India way before the blackout.

   The two most annoying things on Earth, unibrows and Indian accents.

   I'm starting to think the Jackson family might have some problems.

   My voicemail greeting is just me strangling a cat while reading bible passages.

   A recent gallop poll shows that horses prefer trotting.

   I'm not watching the Olympics, but I've seen Cool Runnings, so like, I get it.

   Nothing angers me more than a prematurely broken shell in my Taco Kit

   I know "C.G.I." is getting more and more realistic,,,,, but I can almost always tell if a movie has real dinosaurs or not.

   If I had a dog,, I'd say "I have a bone to pick with you!" And then we'd go to PetSmart to pick a bone,, And we'd laugh & laugh & laugh,,,,,

   Hey republican..ssshhhh....you had me at "common sense"

   Sometimes I wonder if I'm being selfish by using my voice to just sing in the car instead of to save the music industry..