Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   XBox Kinect Sports is so life-like... I just got picked last!

   Just walked a mile in my own shoes............ not as good as I thought I'd be

   I'm making a list of regrets. Just to be sure I'm accurate, what's the name of Justin Bieber's first album?

   Willow Smith is 11 years old and has a tongue piercing, half of her hair shaved off, and is claiming to be bisexual? Sounds like somebody needs to move in with their auntie and uncle in Bel-Air.

   There must be a trick to fighting fire with fire because my kitchen just pretty much has twice as much fire now

   Sometimes I just get so frustrated by the rush-hour traffic that I slam my head on the steering wheel. That's usually followed by the bus driver telling me to get out.

   Do magazines really have to add "Alive" to "Sexiest Woman" or am I just grossly underestimating the number of necrophiliacs in the world?

   No woman can ever be into you, unless with a strap-on.

   We don't have to go to church - lets stay in bed and have our own religious experience.

   Playing with your phone in public is the new I don't know what to do with myself.

   Today I opened the door to the supply room and a gay Chinese guy jumped out and yelled "supplies!"

   Statistics never show how many accidents each year are the direct result of a guy checking out some chick's ass.

   My wife is a liar! Last night I texted her and asked here where she was, she said with her sister Emma. I Was with her sister Emma!!

   German tampons should be called twatstikas.

   Just found $4 on the ground. Well, more like $2.40 after my ex wife claims her share

   I quit believing in reincarnation several lives ago.

   There's no recipe in this world that raisins can't ruin.

   Have you ever just sat there and realized how weird you are?

   After a week in Miami, I realize it's not the heat, it's the stupidity…

   When people yawn, do deaf people think they're screaming?