Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   To be fair, my hand is prettier than most of the girls I've slept with, I should stop cheating on it.

   So whats the deal with all the Athletes, biting their GOLD Medals.... Is England's economy that Bad or are they hoping they are the Choclate filled Medals?????

   i had a really bad day today. First , my ex girlfriend got hit by a bus. Then, I got fired from the bus company..

   Whte Kid: SHUT UP MOM!!! Mom: *Shuts Up* Blck Kid: SHUT UP MOM! *Wakes up* Where am I? Doctor: Intensive care. O.O

   Weeds not a drug? Ha! Ya and Tomatoes aren't Vegetables! Wait....they aren't!

   Trying to change my ways.......Now when I pick my nose, I don't wipe it on people anymore.

   Pardon me while I slip into something a little more... unconscious.

   If people could hear the next five seconds after we hit end call, we would all have no friends.

   It's so hot outside, I bet Jehovah's Witnesses are going to start telemarketing.

   Why is YOLO popular all of a sudden? Was there seriously a problem of people thinking we lived twice?

   Aww I'm sorry you're mad the world doesn't revolve around you. Here...let me pour you a nice, tall glass of Get Over It.

   If you're home alone and wearing pants, you're doing it wrong!

   Man Rule #6......Men's Olympic Swimming events are the ''Only'' I repeat ''Only'' time speedo's are allowed!!!

   Whoa whoa, calm down Swiffer commercials, you're a wet paper towel on a stick

   During the opening Olympic ceramony I thought the Chinese uniforms looked pretty good!....And the ones worn by the Chinese team weren't too bad either!!!

   Yes, the carpet does match the drapes but all the furniture is from Goodwill.

   Your profile picture brings the old saying "You can't polish a turd" to mind

   Beauty of Vodka:It looks lik Water!! Beauty of School:Water Bottles are Allowed Irony of Life:We didn't Realize This During Our School Days.

   I can't wait for 12G phones,,, They'll be able to post my posts before I'm finished typing them,, And they'll probably be funnier too.

   Some of my favorite posts don't always get a lot of stars.. That's O.K. They know I love them,, and they love me back... That's all we need.