Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Why are those who profess tolerance intolerant of different viewpoints????

   I don't have a summer home, but I do have several different email addresses.

   Somewhere out there, a man named Private Number is sobbing uncontrollably because no one ever takes his phone calls.

   Never met a teenager driving a luxury car that I didn't hate.

   dear gays. It's not you, it's me. I hate most straight people too…

   will never be an Olympic athlete...but I did participate in a Toyotathon once!

   I forgot to buckle my 5 year old up in the car today, and while leaving the parking lot, this guy yells, "You're an irresponsible father!". I was like, "What the hell is that guy's problem? Stop the car son!"

   Apparently, "I had an interview with a better company" is not an acceptable reason for being late for work.

   Remember, ladies...It's better to wake up with a mysterious gash on your finger than a mysterious finger in your gash.

   Nothing more uncomfortable than a girl with a lazy eye looking up at you while giving you head.

   Gay firemen were the first pole dancers. And they were fabulous.

   another olympics, another stern letter to Australians reminding them kangaroos aren't athletes.

   You Know, I'll never be an Olympic athlete but I did participate in a Toyotathon once...

   Just so you know...weather conditions where simultaneously wearing shorts and Uggs is acceptable - NEVER EXIST!

   dear NBC, wake me up when women's beach volleyball starts...

   Just remember whatever you put up with you end up with!

   Debt collectors calling you? They dont call ME anymore after I answer the phone "Homicide, Detective Smith speaking, please give me your full name and direct affiliation with the victim who's phone you've just called." Problem solved!

   The olympics... the only time where you can be a male swimmer and we won't think you're gay.

   Anyone know of a good book for training hamsters? Trying to amass my army.

   I love being naked in a house alone... It's just a little awkward when the owner's arrive.