Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Won a gold medal in the brolympics tonight for hooking up with the fat friend.

   Rather than wasting time preparing to go to heaven when you die, how about joining us in celebrating and enjoying life here on earth.

   I'm just a guy searching for love and someone to bang the hell out of.

   She couldn't wrap her mind around it, so she used her mouth instead.

   Why is it the less money someone makes the better they are at reproducing?

   This chick got mad at me one time because that's what they do.

   All men approve of premarital sex......until they have a daughter.

   Why are you playing video games when I have all this pu$$y?

   Those opening ceremonies were so lame that...no to call it lame would be a compliment.

   When I have complicated problems I always ask myself, what would my imaginary wife do? And then I end up buying myself cupcakes, and shoes.

   I hate it when I remove myself from around people to fart in peace and they follow me right after I have release a big one.

   I don't drink water, unless it's been through a brewery first.

   I would motorboat you, but the water looks a little shallow.

   Good news guys! Only 17 more days until we can stop hearing about the Olympics!

   I'm not so good about doing the dishes. I just contemplated spreading peanut butter on bread - using scissors

   Mr Bean should win the Nobel Peace Prize for recycling...the same lame act for the past 25 years.

   I hate when I think I've found a parking space, only for it to turn out to be a cart corral.

   Getting a guy to walk me home and then stabbing him will never get old.

   It is true there is no "I' in team, but there is a lot of "I's" on the USA Olympic Men's Basketball Team

   @nal is completely unnatural...unless I'm doing it to a girl.