Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Gee. Lets ask an openly christian man who owns a chain of restaurants that are closed on Sunday what his beliefs on gay marriage are, then act surprised when we find out his beliefs.... Idiots.

   The chocolate fountain..... Not the first runny brown liquid to be produced by Golden Corral.

   There's no place like home. (to poop)

   I want a person to come into my life by accident, but stays on purpose.

   If Paul McCartney's guitar isn't made out of one of Heather Mills' spare legs, I'm gonna be p*ssed.

   Paul McCartney is looking more and more like Angela Lansbury every day.

   Paul Mccartney just won the Gold medal in old.

   Kristen Stew@rt is apologizing for "everything she has done", which I'm assuming includes the Twilight series.

   Don't judge a book by it's cover... Unless that book is Twilight, then you can judge the book and it's reader.

   So this Kristen Stewart cheating stuff... Still a better love story than Twilight.

   "Dude I wasn't that drunk".... "Dude you started watching the Twilight Trilogy"

   Robert Pattinson said Kristen Stewart humiliated him. Then he added it was even more humiliating than being in Twilight.

   I was born at a very early age.

   I wake up easy most of the time, but every now and then, I wake up hard.

   Why is that when a girl says, "I'm going to die alone," it elicits sympathetic awws, but when I say it people just nod uncomfortably...

   so my son stayed up until 11 last night watching a movie with us and he still got up at 6:45am... hmmm, next time use vodka in his juice maybe? Hey, I just drugged you, this is crazy, but here's a pillow, sleep in maybe?!?!?!

   Caster Simenya's moustache is bigger than mine. I wonder what else of her's is bigger than mine.

   My girlfriend always keep her boobs pressed against my face when she asks me for expensive things.She calls it the "Booby trap"

   My house is like a casino. There are free drinks, no clocks, and lots of skimpy outfits. Now who wants to play slots?

   I've never stolen a kiss, but I've paid for a relationship.