Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Men are from Mars. Women are from Venus. Mars has 2 moons. Venus has no moons. Do you see where I'm getting at? Men, GIVE BACK OUR MOON!

   Status Upd@tes are like skirts. The shorter the better.

   Sometimes life beats you up and you forget how awesome you are. Thank god for alcohol to help you remember.

   Darn it,,,,, It's almost August and I'm still writing Slovakia on my Czechs!

   Happy birthday to my Dad,,,, who was yelling stuff from the toilet with the door open 36 years before Facebook was created.

   You guys are SO lucky that I "like" posts on a curve

   "Can't You Just Let Me Watch The Damn Football Game?" – the Working Title of my new Childrens book

   The problem with Chinese New Year is that you're ready for another new year only an hour later.

   Ooo Ooo Ooo Sometimes... I get a good feeling... Like today... Cause it's FRIIIIIDAAAYYYYY!!!!!

   Yes,, Grandchildren ARE our future,,, But they're ALSO the reason why there's a smooshed sandwich in my Pricey Blu-Ray player,,,,, Hmm, our future

   I'm starting to get a wee bit tired of these retro ecards. I prefer reading status's in 3D, real time....

   According to weather.com,,, there appears to be a HUGE ad for car insurance moving in from the west..... RUN FOR YOUR LIVES !!!!

   They show sex on TV, but radio has 'Bleeps'.......Way to go FCC.

   Samuel L. Jackson knows he can turn down movies, right?

   Im starting to worry that my Guardian Angel is a crack head!

   Just came from the Library and asked the librarian Do you have any books on ''How to find a job'' she muttered Most likely in the ''Fantasy Section!''

   I'm always on my ''Best'' Behaviour...It just so happens my Best Behaviour isn't very good!!

   Today I will celebrate the opening of the Olympic games with my own feat of endurance: sitting at my desk all day...

   What is it about Adele's voice that makes me want to stick hot pokers in my eyes??

   I called 411 and asked the operator ''I'd like the number for Melissa Fontana in Silver Spring, Md. ''There are multiple listings for Melissa Fontana, Do you have a street name?'' I hesitated ''Well, uh some people call me Snake!''