Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Half of my Facebook friends are still there solely because their life is a train wreck and it's entertaining.

   That weird awkward run you do when a car lets you cross the street.

   There is a button on my oven that says ‘stop time'. I am pretty sure it means ‘stop timER' but I don't push it just in case.

   Say Hello to my little friend (҂`_´) < ,︻╦̵̵̿╤─ ҉ ~~~ • • • \

   Today I sent out a text saying, “Hey, I lost my phone, will you call it?” 12 people called me…I need damn smarter friends.

   Music becomes my best friend when nobody else understands me.

   Dont take me for granted, because I will leave your a$$ in at a moments notice!

   laughing at all the lovey dovey posts today from the same people who were so miserable in the exact same relationships that they felt it news worthy enough to post how miserable, unhappy and thoroughly disgusted they were with that exact same person

   Cap'n crunch without crunch berries doesn't make any sense to me

   Never make someone your first option when they make you their second option.

   Just spilled a drop of my 5 hour energy shot. I'm guessing that means 4 hours, 22 minutes, and 7 seconds. Party on!

   just thnk this Generation will never know the joy of getting a hand written letter from a loved one..

   If you support traditional marriage you are not welcome in Chicago and Boston. "Don't judge me, but if you don't agree with me I will label you a bigot."

   Show me on their status upd@te where the grammar nazi touched you.

   its amusing listening to someone's lie when you already know the truth

   If women don't fool around, and men do fool around, who are the men fooling around with?

   11 year old found on plane heading to Rome. Seems the Pope was ordering some take out!

   ...“I always give 100% at work: 13% Monday, 22% Tuesday, 26% Wednesday, 35% Thursday, 4% Friday”...

   She said the 'F' word. She called us Friends.

   I get my daily starches through vodka.