Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Women are just like Hurricanes, because when they come they're wet & wild! And when they leave they're taking the house and car!!!

   Rooster+Rooster=No Egg....Hen+ Hen= No Egg....Rooster+ Hen=Egg/Chicken........Now you know why Chick-fil-a supports traditional couples!

   I remember the days when I wasn't addicted to Facebook...I also remember eating, sleeping, going out, returning calls, making eye contact,

   Remember; It's always better to ask for forgiveness than for permission except when it's about @nal.

   kristen stewart apparently cheated on robert pattinson....perhaps she needs a bit LESS "sssparkle" and bit more FIREWORKS...this one will prolly drive him right outta the closet...

   The instructions on the shampoo were not clear enough and now I need help removing the bottle from my ass :'(

   I don't care who you are. If you can constantly make me laugh, I'm probably gonna wanna do you.

   I'm one of those guys who can eat whatever I want and not get pregnant.

   I told the NCAA I was a Penn State fan and they "vacated" my last 15 birthdays which restores me to my early 20's...Anyone up for a game of beer pong tonight? ツ

   O.K.,,, That's ENOUGH !,, This is the 3rd hose-fight I've broken up today,, And the 2nd one involving actual hoses......

   The reason you can't go back afrer going black is because none of them have a car to take you back or a job to buy gas.

   Did anyone else leave the new Dark Knight movie looking forward more to the next Anne Hathaway movie than another sub par attempt at the Dark Knight

   I was so poor growing up, we had to use BOTH sides of the toilet paper.

   Like my daddy always said, "just because it kills your liver, dont mean it aint medicine."

   I may have been born at night, but I wasnt born LAST night...

   Obama qoute 2008 ''Navy seal team Six is Cheneys private assanation team! Obama qoute 2011 ''I put together Navy seal team Six to take out Bin Laden!''

   I don't get married because the person I like has been already taken.

   When you have a baby, does a hormone in your body force you to make your baby your Facebook profile picture?

   Sometimes I look at my friends and think to myself, "Where did I meet these crazy people?" But then I think "What would I do without them?"

   The only thing I know about Women: They don't like being told what to do unless they're naked.