Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   I hope they have enough wall plugs in hell.

   It can get pretty exhausting hating as many people as I do in a day.

   Big ass sunglasses do a pretty good job of hiding the ugly.

   I can make a better duckface with my a$$hole.

   Studies show that your chances of getting murdered drop down significantly when you STFU and mind your own business.

   16 and pregnant? how about 18 and graduated!

   Shout out to all the girls who's tittiez look like they have been left in water too long

   If you think my status upd@tes are ridiculous, you should see my life choices.

   If you have to give me CPR and your breath stinks just let me die.

   “I never said she stole my money” has 7 different meanings depending on the word you stress...

   Am I the only one who's never seen a pizza delivery girl??

   It would be cool if Chick-Fil-A replaced the muppet toys with boy scout action figures.......

   I was so drunk last night at the bar. When I walked across the dance floor to get another drink I won the dance competition.

   I just saved a bunch of money on toilet paper by shaving my a$$hole.

   Dear Shirtless Guy in his Profile Pic, You REALLY want to impress girls? Get a job & pose in front of your cubicle.

   Staringat his blood covered hands muttering, "what did I do for this Klondike bar?".

   Have you guys ever had sex sober? It's actually kind of gross.

   A gentle breeze blowing through my neigbors windchime collection is the perfect background soundtrack for me taking a dump in his yard.

   I went to Chick-fil-a for lunch...You have to try the Chick on Chick sandwich...

   "Ugh...I get one CALL?? Can I please just text someone?" ~me in prison