Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Scientist believe that coworkers are the main reason why humans developed middle fingers.

   Scientific Fact: The gravitational pull of cleavage on men's eyes is incredibly strong and cannot be fought.

   Never take a Chess enthusiast to a restaurant with checkered tablecloths!......It'll take them an hour to pass the salt!!!

   It's all fun and games til you lose your wifi..........ok, wife!

   Dear Amy Winehouse, I would like to take this moment to congratulate you on a full 12 months of being sober, keep up the great work.

   The saddest part of Harrison Ford turning 70 is how easily he could still kick my butt.

   Everything I know about the metric system, I learned from watching Farva on "Super Troopers".

   Yo bro, I wasn't sold on you being a cool dude, but that tint job on your Neon really speaks to me.

   I'm so lazy, if autocorrect doesn't know the word after 3 letters I put my phone down.

   Felt I was deralict in my fatherly dutties...so I taught James the 'milk milk lemonadej childhood diddy....which he LOVED I might add.....

   Girls that call guys "dude" are usually lesbians.

   Some people's idea of living dangerously is watching p0rn with the volume on.

   My c**k was actually in the Guinness Book of World Records once. But it really pissed off the librarian and she kicked me out.

   Mitt Romney's cat walked into a bar. Well, no it didn't. Yes it did. No it didn't. Yes it did.

   What's the difference between a joke and three c**ks? The girl we met last night couldn't take a joke.

   B*tch please, I can remove 99% of your so called "Beauty" with a kleenex.

   Grammer: The difference between knowing your sh*t and Knowing You're sh*t.

   Just got a tattoo of my wife so when she pisses me off I can stab myself in the arm and watch that b%tch bleed.

   Dear Men, Life without Women, would literally be a pain in the as*.

   We stick together like the pages in a porn magazine.