Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Are you tired of being fat and ugly?..just stay ugly and join the gym !!

   "Val Kilmer really was the best Batman." ~Nobody, not even Val Kilmer

   THONY DEVITO 07/17/2012 No matter how busy I am, I always manage to make room in my life to get unreasonably angry when an update I'm proud of gets no reaction.

   Just because something is meant for kids doesn't mean it won't be amusing for adults. Boobs are a great example.

   Who's this "moderation" people keep telling me to drink with?

   There is a button on my oven that says 'stop time'. I am pretty sure it means 'stop timER' but I don't push it just in case.

   what's the definition of "egghead" it's what mrs.dumpty gives to humpty

   when is an elf not an elf? when she's giving oral sex she's a goblin.

   what's the difference between your wife and your job? after a couple of years your job still sucks.

   Maybe we should put the NCAA in charge of the Catholic Church too.

   I find that a ducks opinion of me is largely influenced by whether or not I have bread.

   reading Mein Kampf and training the cat in racial purity.

   woke up on the wrong side this morning, but then went indoors.

   throwing steak on the walls, hoping to create a unique world map.

   Whenever I buy a box of condoms I always look the cashier in the eyes and say ''Where's your fitting room?!''

   Lesson one: Only trust people who like big butts...They cannot lie!

   I just heard that you should never enter into a marriage lightly...Heck, I must have been 275 lbs when I got married! So i'm good,,,

   Dudes in skinny jeans...there's no need for sex if you're already in her pants...

   Thank God It's Monday" ~ Your Liver

   We can talk to astronauts in space, but we can't get phone reception inside elevators.