Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   If I hear one more foreigner accusing us of having a "culture of violence" I'm gonna blow their brains out.

   How about we put Sandusky and the Colorado shooter in the same cell, and turn out the lights?

   Probably drank too much coffee this morning. Probably drank too much. Probably too much coffee. Drank too much. Coffee. Probably.

   I can't believe the hookers you see on COPS ever..ever..get a customer..mmmm lesions

   Now..a cheaper way to express your love...----E-cards !

   Just shredded cheese by hand. Sorry in advance for the pieces of nails and skin.

   I tried exercise but I was allergic to it. My skin flushed and my heart raced. I got sweaty and short of breath. Very dangerous.

   You know you're a Lo$er if your mom wants you to help set-up things for your twins Surprise Birthday Party!!!

   i used to have super power but my therapist took them away

   Tried to share a Burger with a Homeless guy ..He said F#K OFF!! Buy Your OWN!!!

   YEAH!!! We should take guns from everyone now......we should also remove everyones teeth just in case to save face

   You don't refer to a pen!s as a 'pork sword'? Well I guess this friendship is over before it began.

   Cookie dough flavored vodka? Ugh. Stay out of the bar Mary Poppins.

   Erectile dysfunction starts with small talk.

   I know I really like someone when I can listen to them talk about pooping and not get grossed out. Apparently, I don't like this girl.

   Ranch dressing is too a pizza topping! Open your mind-hole and stop hating on deliciousness.

   Girls always win because girls always have the v@ginas.

   My date last night told me she loved being handcuffed yet all she did was b!tch at me as we sat in the back of a squad car after the robbery

   Marriage.........when dating goes way too far!

   I wsh mirrors, pictures, and what I think I look like would get together and agree on what I really look like!!!