Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Sometimes I think I'm losing touch with reality. At least my imaginary girlfriend is hot.

   A woman who is clear on her desires, takes and does not wait to be taken.

   I do not like being told what to do unless I'm naked!

   It may appear like I'm doing nothing, but i'm actively waiting for my problems to go away!!!

   Misery loves company. But only if the company is good looking. And brings booze.

   Please be patient… Beer isn't finished with me yet.

   I wish cake went straight to my Pen!s!!

   Due to the Economy, remember that money I said never to worry about?!!!

   Nobody can't 'except' you are a very spiritual person but I'm sure a few could 'accept' it.

   Always the blame game. No matter who the president is everyone's gonna say its his fault we are where we are. We're all Americans lets work together! Regardless of what party youre for! USA!

   @ Nobody ... the bottle said 1 pill every 12 hours, not 12 pills every 1 hour.

   I'm surprisingly nice for someone who hates 99% of people.

   If my ceiling fan could hold my weight, I would never be bored again.

   I'm a leader. Not a follower. Unless it's a dark place, then f*ck that sh*t you're going first.

   When I was born, I was given a choice - A big d*ck or a good memory.. I don't remember what I chose.

   . Panties: Not the best thing on earth, but next to the best thing on earth. ; )

   What contemptible scoundrel has stolen the cork to my lunch?

   What is gray and comes in quarts,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,an elephant

   ♫ All in all, it's just a... nother post on my wall. ♫

   I don't care how hot you think you are, you aren't better than cheesecake. NOTHING is better than Cheesecake.