Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   ''See that guy over there carrying my golf bag? That's the one job i've created!!!''----President Obama

   Hey people who like to start conversations with complete strangers, knock that s$it off.

   When you find it hard to keep a girl, find a girl that keeps it hard.

   Wait, don't eat yet! Let me take a picture of it at an artsy angle, add Instagram effects, and upload it to Facebook!

   Screw love? No, screw the person who made you think that way.

   Respect is earned, Honesty is appreciated, Love is gained and Loyalty is returned.

   Sticking ANY kind of bumper sticker on your car is a great way to let people know you're a moron.

   always know where the remote is all it takes is one sad animal commercial to kill the mood

   Tom and Jerry: The original "1000 Ways to Die."

   You have to be nuts to be between a guy's legs 24/7.

   it's the people who make a party awesome, not the drinks,bro

   Don't you just hate it when your friends ask you to flex, then your bicep smashes them in the face knocking them unconscious?

   wondering if anyone's ever gotten someone to do heroin by doing "heeeere comes the airplane!" with the spoon

   I have an inferiority complex....but it's not a very good one !

   People who say "don't touch me" always get touched.

   A reverse cowgirl is an Indian right?

   My STD test is: if she has a cell phone that costs less than $200 I use a condom.

   I just violated myself in the shower. I didn't want to but rules are rules and I did drop the soap after all.

   Bed (n) – a workbench for lovers

   Sleep is a symptom of caffeine deprivation