Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   People who believe in God shouldn't be allowed to complain about the weather.

   Ham and Eggs:: A day's work for a chicken; A lifetime commitment for a pig.

   The latest survey shows that three out of four people make up 75% of the population.

   I did NOT pee my pants! I was marking my territory. These pants are MINE!

   My 3yr old doesn't like onions on his donut! Onions= shredded coconut!

   The date was over when you asked me to follow you on Twitter.

   I'm the least productive after lunch. My metabolism protests against any form of physical or intellectual effort. The boss doesn't get it.

   Ladies: Invest in men's weakness. Buy sexy lingerie.

   Sometimes the best people to spill your heart to are total strangers. I love you guys.

   I do have a life outside of Facebook, but I don't remember the password for it.

   Noticed a fly stuck to the back of my girlfriends maxipad in the trash, so I hung them all over the house as flystrips. Won't she be surprised at how smart I am :D

   I know it's hot but a crackhead just tried to sell me a ceiling fan. No really...

   Whenever I see a girl in a glittery shirt I think to myself, "Ooh! What a sparkly nightmare of need."

   What's the worlds longest sentence? .... I do.

   I'm not saying shes a hoe, but shes taken more loads than a washing machine.

   People will accept your idea much more readily if you tell them Benjamin Franklin said it first.............................Benjamin Franklin

   The key to a long and good relationship is to keep the fights clean, and the sex dirty!!!

   I used to be a People Person, but People ruined it for me!!!

   When you put marshmallows in a ziploc bag, then label it "snowman's poop" just so you can show everyone at Show&Tell,,,, you're obviously gonna grow up and be a Superhero...

   Hey, I'm a girl. I ignore nice guys, chase douchebags, and then complain about it