Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Gay marriage is legal in 6 states. Having sex with a horse is legal in 23. Good going, America.

   Congrats on being one of the "cool kids" in Highschool. Too bad about the rest of your life though.

   I hate it when teachers say "From all this talking, I assume you're done." From all this complaining, I assume you're single.

   8 planets, 1 universe, 204 countries, 809 islands, 7 seas and I just HAD to find yo dumbass.

   When someone says "be honest" what they really mean is: lie to me, but be as convincing as possible.

   I have yet to see a security guard I couldn't beat the s$it out of.

   Got a problem with me? I'm pretty sure a status on Facebook won't fix it.

   Friendships must be built on a solid foundation of alcohol, sarcasm, inappropriateness, and shenanigans.

   Record temps again tomorrow....If I can find a lemonade stand, I'll be on it like a hillbilly on his half-sister!

   Whoever said money doesn't grow on trees obviously never grew marijuana...

   Doggy style, because sometimes you both just like the same tv show.

   You haven't lived if you have never done a line of coke off a girl's ass.

   Farmers complaining about the drought. Why not just buy corn at the store??..... idiots

   Every so often, I try to fornicate a large word into conversation,, even if I'm not sure what it means

   "Where the streets have no name"...That,, my little ones, is probably why they still haven't found what they're looking for.

   Oh man, it's not the weekend yet? I can't wait to stand around in some empty bar watching a crummy band and having weak drinks.

   If a guys says ''I can't feel anything wearing trhis condom!'' Ask him if he can feel you sucking the money out of his paycheck for trhe next 18 years!!!''

   Happy Birthday to the Greatest Invention you don't appreciate enough unless you don't have it! On this day 110yrs ago Dr. Kerry invented the Air Conditioner!!!

   The harder you work, the luckier you get!!!...........Make it happen for yourself!

   Went to the doc's for my prostate check up. Is it normal for both his hands to be on my shoulders during the exam