Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   nothing kills a beautiful girls smile like that one crazy tooth...

   Dear Customer Service: When are all of your representatives NOT assisting other callers?

   Sundays always bring out my inner senior citizen....

   since when did"nom,nom"equate to I ate it and it was very nice ?

   You ever notice when your phone decides to call someone its someone you don't want to talk to.!

   A Woman's Football League would only be interesting to me if its raining and the uniform are white.

   My life may be a mess, but I know where everything is.

   16 and Pregnant completely wrecked the term " MILF" for us Cougars!

   I found the pot at the end of the rainbow....I smoked it.

   Well it sounds like my girlfriend is upstairs reading "50 Shades of Grey" or she's been building up to sneeze for the last 10 minutes.

   Chris Brown jokes are all the same... they all have the same punchline.

   EX means: Thanks for the EXperience, Our time has EXpired, now EXit my life..

   You lost me at 'sober friends only', you unrealistic douche.

   All you obese vegetarians ain't much of an advertisement for the cause, are ya?

   Forrest Whitaker turned 51 today, his right eye turned 47.

   The worst thing about doggie style is you can both see your kid come into the room.

   I'm beginning to think this "being an adult" thing is not as fun as I had envisioned as a child, except for the whole intercourse part.

   I've been keeping this a secret for almost a year now because I didn't want to lose friends: I don't work on Mondays.

   What? You mean human beings still have pubic hair? By choice?

   There's so many of you I can see myself leaving my wife for. Luckily I made a list in case I ever get the chance. Thanks for being naughty