Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   My I.Q. goes from 125 to about 14 when there's a hot girl around.

   Beers should come with a "May reverse bros before hoes" warning.

   I'm on Twitter because my family is on Facebook.

   Top ten things men understand about women. 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. 9. 10.

   If your status update contains the words, “I know 99% of you won't repost this,” there is a 99% chance you're an idiot.

   Let me ruin your favorite song by playing 15 times a day, 7 days a week!” – The Radio.

   I DON'T want to brag,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, So I won't,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, See how that works?

   Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter is easily the worst thing to happen to President Lincoln in a theatre.

   The days of good grammar has went by from now on

   Hmmm,,,,,,, I think this coffee is broken

   Why do people sing "Take Me Out To The Ball Game" when they're already there?

   Friday the 13th is such a bunch of crap..... hang on, going to go see what this guy in a hockey mask wants at the door.... it's not even hockey season, what an idiot.... brb

   The only stimulating book I want to read is "50 Shades of Gravy"

   There is no "i" in "team." But there's an "i" in "Tim," and my friend Carlos pronounces it "team" so....there

   LMS if you remember walking into a restaurant and being asked smoking or non-smoking?

   I dont know if money is the root of all evil, but its certainly the fertilizer...

   ...in my opinion...the guy who revolutionised modern direction systems using time as a code deserves Noble prize for awesomeness....otherwise how would we be able to say..."WOAh MAN...HOT CHICK...3'oclock.!! "

   For all that don't know yet " Batman DIES in the New Movie " your welcome.

   I just held the door open for a Japanese guy and he said, "Sank you" So I punched him in the face. I can't believe he brought up Pearl Harbor just like that.

   Hey, Journey? Quick question: What if I never even started believin'?