Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   I have NO idea what a bejeezus is,,, but apparently mine scares easy.

   Don't even TRY a home invasion at my house,,, I've got legions of Lego people ready to launch a campaign of foot pain terrorism at my command...

   Steven Tyler is quitting American Idol after two seasons! I sure am going to miss that old lady!!!

   My sons argue n fight all day n never share. Y'all shared a womb and before that a sack now you can't share a friggin bag of chips ugggghh

   Shout out to whoever got these gas prices down in July. now lets hit da two dollar mark.

   Who lives in a pineapple under the sea? IDK, I have Direct TV!

   I would pay good money for a painting of Snoop Dogg and Dog the Bounty Hunter playing poker.

   Got a headache from looking at all the options of headache relief.

   Restaurant hosts: Stop asking, we all want a booth.

   Why do you date girls that look like men? Why not just date a man?

   ☑Hockey mask ☑Machete ☑Sexually-irresponsible campers Let's roll...

   Mic Jagger'snew book says he slept with 4,000 women!..........Well 3,999 if you subtract David Bowie!!!

   If you are living your life without giving a 'F', you are only living a LI[ ]E.

   ...the brain brings up the most beautiful thoughts while trying to sleep..."hey...when was the last time we discussed ghosts , haunted mansions and serial killers in hockey masks.."...Happy Friday 13th...

   Having kids is a lot like living in a frat house. Everythings sticky and your not quite sure why...

   First Tyler, then Lopez...its going to be American "Idle" !!!

   Went to Micky D's today and ordered the fish sandwich and for the first time ever the cheese was squarely on the sandwich.....almost brought a tear to my eye.

   After I shave I look twenty hours younger

   From now on just cross your heart, I'll take care of the hope you die part.

   Things Men Think: Wedding plans take care of themselves.