Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Fat, single and ready for a pringle!!!

   Someone once ask me how I hold my head up so high after all I've been through. I said, as long as I come out of it alive, it makes me a survivor, not a victim.

   Show me on this voodoo doll where it would hurt you the most.

   We live in a world where we have to hide to make love, while violence is practiced in broad daylight.

   High-definition ruined porn for me. I like my p0rn blurry so I can't see butt acne and herp scars.

   Anyone else notice that "The Los Angeles Angels" directly translates to "The The Angels Angels"?

   I will climb the highest mountain. Swim the deepest sea. I will cross the desert land. I would do anything to get away from you.

   OMG!!! Direct TV is no longer showing Viacom channels... How am I going to watch 16 and Pregnant now? Oh.. wait.. Walmart. NEVERMIND!

   Driving a Prius shows women that you are socially responsible, environmentally conscious, and will be completely unable to make them cum.

   The day I grow up will be the day that I die.

   I'm no gynecologist, but I know a c*nt when I see one.

   The person who came up with the word "lisp" wath a real athhole

   If you can't love the one you want, love someone who looks like them and just squint a lot.

   I'm going to stand outside... So if anyone asks, tell them I'm outstanding

   I like picking up lone hitchhikers cause then when I am pulled over the weed is his.

   I woke up and found Sarah Jessica Parkers head in my bed. I guess I pissed off the mafia.

   My wife said I never do anything for her so I packed her bags and put them outside.

   There is no life on earth without water. Because without water, there is no coffee. And without coffee, I'll kill you all.

   I can't even figure out a v@gina how can I be expected to figure out emotions too.

   No, no, no. I'm not insulting you. I'm describing you.