Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   As for my solicitation of prostitution charge Your Honor, I would like it dismissed under of the Dire Straits "Chicks for free" act of 1985.

   I've never been interrogated, but I have ordered a sandwich at subway, so I think I'm prepared.

   No I don't have anything smaller than a twenty. You should. You're the one who's running a store.

   Thanks Fox, but I get my political info from the Facebook posts of crazy relatives and people I haven't seen since high school.

   I try to have garage sales but as soon as anyone shows a slight interest in something I take it back into the house & look at it with pride.

   Ladies, do you know why God gives you yeast infections?? So you know what it feels like to live with an irritating c@nt also!

   You are 15 years old you should feel butterflies in your stomach not a baby kicking

   I've never bei have never been interrogated, but I have ordered a sandwich at subway, so I think I'm ready

   my dog's favorite food is a peanut butter popsicle!

   my dog's least favorite NBA team is the Thunder.

   women should run the world. That will give men more time to drink beer and watch sports.

   I'm the easiest person in the world to get alone with.

   I like to listen to mexican radio but I dont know what they are singing or saying so I just pretend they are singing about how awesome I am.

   when I was driving today I turned the rear view mirror towards my face so I could view awesome along the whole drive

   My uncle came out of the closet yesterday. He's not gay. He has Alzheimer's and thought it was the car.

   If your neighbors seem like the "nicest, quietest, friendliest" people, they probably have kidnapped humans in their basement zoo.

   Everything I ever needed to know about structural engineering, I learned from Angry Birds.

   Welcome to England - where the Sun is just a Newspaper...enjoy!!!

   I'm drinking coffee because people think you've got a problem if you drink vodka in the morning!

   Kill your haters with kindness. Gift wrap the explosives