Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Dear JB HATERs – I owe my life to Justin. On March 9th, 2009 I was in a coma for 6 months after a terrible car crash. One day my nurse turned the radio to Justin's song, so I got up, and turned the radio off.

   You had me at "You f*cking weirdo" just before you shut your window curtains

   You know you're getting older when you would rather ignore someone, so you don't have to go through the trouble of disposing their body...

   I'd speak my mind but that's the only thing from stopping me from puking all over you at this point.

   How come dumb stuff seems so smart while you're doing it.

   You had me at "life is total B.S."

   I'm still not entirely sure what instagram is

   You're not nearly as obsessed with me as you should be.

   Making people uncomfortable really brightens up my day.

   I did this weird thing once where I almost left the house happy.

   Sometimes, I wish I had a husband to ignore & not f^ck so I could build a crafts empire.

   I'm going to take 3 hours to decide what bad movie I want to watch & then pass out

   it's a crazy day when guys wanna see a movie about a teddy bear and girls wanna see a movie about strippers

   "50 Shades of Ray" – A sexy tale of Ray Charles' battle with glaucoma and slow transition into blindness.

   women know if they want to have sex with a guy within the first five minutes of meeting. How long until they wanna cook?

   Update Yourself.. Not your status.

   It's so hot my watermelon melted.

   Best Advice: Say NO to Long-distance relationships...absence may make the heart grow fonder, but it makes the penis wander.

   If they don't care, neither should you. It's that simple.

   These Days everything is really starting to Click!.......My knee's, my elbows, and the rest of my joints!!!