Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Bushes make me nervous. I always worry a naked man will emerge from one asking for toilet paper.

   "Ugh, guys, I'm so hungover...wait, we declared what last night?!" --July 5th, 1776.

   Ladies; When a guy says he "just wants to be friends" he means with your v@gina.

   If loving you is wrong, I have probably loved you.

   Its only when you get to know some of these people who smoke that you realise that Cancer can sometimes be a solution not a problem.

   Once you go black I won't know if it's in either.

   You mat say one you go black you can't come back...but if you stick with good credit you won't regret it!!

   Please do me a solid and don't throw your cigarette butts in the urinal. It makes them soggy and extremely hard to light. -- The Janitor

   I was sooo legit, that I quit.

   This day needs a Vodka filled tsunami.

   I wish every chick with STD'S had "6 fingers" i'd be like "Let me see ya hands, Biatch you ain't slick trying hide that extra pinky"

   Never look for leftover fireworks in your car with a lighter. Good news is I now have a sunroof.

   Hey someone tell the Sun to stop showing off!!

   There are now online dating sites for seniors... I bet that "forgot password?" button is gonna get used a lot.

   I sure do feel a hell of alot more attractive at walmart than I do at the gym...

   The first rule of relationships: You don't find out why someone was available until it's too late.

   Most girls: “I hangout with guys, there's less drama.” Me: “I hangout by myself. There's no drama & I don't have to wear pants.”

   LIKE if you found ½ : ¼¼¼¼¼¼¼¼¼¼¼¼¼¼¼¼¼¼¼¼¼¼¼¼¼¼¼¼¼¼¼¼¼¼¼¼¼½¼¼¼¼¼¼¼¼¼¼¼¼¼¼¼� �¼¼¼¼¼¼¼¼¼¼¼¼¼

   That amazing moment when you smack the remote and it actually works!

   No Calls ? I Understand . No Text ? I Understand , But When You See Me With Someone Else Please Understand .