Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   To all the scientists who were a part of 40 yrs of finding God Particle- Congrats! A Gr8 day for science. Isn't it? BUT the question still remains- Where is the Goddamn calorie-free Beer!

   America, happy birthday! I hope you do something fun and get lots of happy birthday wishes on your wall!

   I have a feeling that 99.9% of the fingers blown off will be from males.

   We need more propeller hats

   Sadness in its purest form....going to a bbq and instead of beer you find soda, kids, pinwheels, and bubbles.

   if a sniper used a laser to shoot me in my house, I would be wearing 3 cats on my face

   Being a parent in the South is so easy... You just have to shout "Simmer Down" every few days.

   Anderson Cooper - I had to come clean, I was caught singing "Call Me Maybe" in my car on the way to work!

   The Amazing Spiderman was good but they didn't cover the part in his life where he co-founded Facebook...I assume that will be in the sequel...

   Thanks for calling the revolutionary tipline. Your call is important to us. Press: 1 if by land, 2 if by sea, 3 to hear these options in Spanish

   The Andy Griffith funeral? Who knows.. he could be cremated...or.. they Mayberry him

   List of things I've accomplished today:,,,,, #1 Make accomplishment list..............................................................

   I have an inferiority complex,,,,,, but it isn't a very good one.

   My short-term memory is my ONLY problem..... Well, that, and my short-term memory

   I no longer say 'YOLO', my philosophy is "LIVIN' LIKE LARRY!"

   I will say, Have a fun and safe 4th. But I refuse to celebrate our Independence! Our fore fathers are turning over in their graves. Instead of gaining freedom we have lost and continue to lose freedoms every day.

   Why are there no black fireworks?

   Ahhh, the 4th of July. The day where trips to hospital start with the words "Hold my beer and watch this!"

   Happy Independence Day! And make sure you stick a feather in your hat and call it macaroni! Because that makes total sense!!!

   Dear americans, as you celebrate your independence just know you are the greatest country in term of human weight and obesity.