Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Spooning may lead to Forking

   Only God can Judge Me!....and some family, a few friends, the neighbors, definitely a couple co-workers! And all my Facebook friends!!!

   May the 4th of July be with you all......

   Some people just need a hug. Around the neck. With a rope.

   "I love Justin Beiber" Hey Jeff, eat a Snickers, you're gay when youre hungry

   I dig, you dig, we dig, she dig, he dig, they dig....Its not a beautiful poem, but its very deep.

   It's amazing how irritating some people can be with only 140 characters on Twitter.

   having one of those days where someone needs to be hit in the face with a cactus...

   Whale watching outside of Walmart.

   A lipbite can be sexy, unless you're bitting your upper lip. Wonder how many people just tried that.

   I hate pushups more than a T-Rex does.

   One time Bill Murray came up to me at a Wendys, took a fry off my tray, ate it, looked me dead in the eyes and said "Nobody's going to believe you"

   This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I'd never met herbivore.

   There is nothing worse than when the car in front of you stops at a yellow light and you have to get home to take a dump.

   Hey girl with 40,000 tweets and 14 followers, I'm guessing you should probably shut the f$ck up.

   Live this day as if it is your last...And if it turns out it isn't, make many apologies tomorrow.

   When my girlfriend is angry, I go to Facebook and constantly refresh my relationship status to see if I'm single again.

   There are only a few people I can say “You're one of the few friends I enjoy being with more in person than on Facebook.

   It's always darkest before the dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's probably the best time to do it.

   To the people who upload full movies to YouTube: Get a life…also, thank you.