Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   I hate how after an argument I think of more clever things I should have said.

   Some people should use a glue stick instead of a chap stick.

   I'm on that “Starts tomorrow” diet...... Everyday!!

   "Oh my gosh! A giant face just destroyed my house! Now he seems to be doing some weird dance?" - spiders

   Hey God, Would you please test me to see if I could handle being rich?

   "That's" - She.

   These press on towels are rubbish,,, its taken three to dry one arm,,!

   It takes exactly 14 Kitkats to make you pass out from a sugar overdose.

   If getting people to love you by dangling them over an eternal pit of hell fire is wrong, I don't want to be right.

   I can get as down and dirty as you need...I'm washable.

   I could've sworn my last status update was funny, but I won't argue. You guys know best.

   May your enemies know the sound of a smattering of applause.

   I age my single malt scotch 15 years in just a few months by subjecting it to a series of harrowing emotional experiences.

   I haven't yet met someone who shares my idea of what love really is.

   Intelligence always beats good looks. But just to be safe I've got both covered.

   Never lasts longer than forever.

   Just stubbed my toe on life

   Come on, who are you going to believe? Me or the background check.

   A clever person solves a problem. A wise person avoids it. A stupid person makes it.

   I'm an expert in smartassology.