Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   I thought we were gonna buy Mexico, Then fix it up & flip it... What ever happened with that?

   I'm going to start wearing Summer's Eve as a cologne. The vast majority of beautiful women seem to be attracted to d*uches

   Adele is pregnant and now the world's food supply is danger. The mayans were right

   Every time I crave chick-fil-a, it's f'ing Sunday!

   I don't use Siri because I have to deal with enough b*tches who have no personality and know everything.

   I think we should celebrate Canada Day be giving Bieber back.

   People ask me why I don't have tattoos.......Well, do you ever see a Ferrari with bumper stickers?

   Thanks for the Facebook invite to your wedding cheapass. Please enjoy this FarmVille mystery gift on the occasion of your marriage.

   My brain is about as organized as the WalMart $5 DVD bin.

   If you don't do stupid things while you're young, you'll have nothing to smile about when you're old.

   I think EVERY elevator should have it's "2" button replaced with,, "Congratulations, You lazy fat-ass."

   Did you ever notice all the people in casino commercials are young, attractive and not in need of oxygen?

   You can spend 7 bucks on a 6 pack of Bud Light or you can just take a piss in your mouth for free.

   There are friends, there is family and then there are friends that become family.

   Alcohol makes me worse at everything except telling secrets.

   Have you ever said something and immediately thought "I didn't know I knew that."

   My version of camping involves the bathroom floor & a hand towel for a blanket.

   Someone on FB called me a clown. Now I've got to go hide under his bed with a knife cause that's what clowns do.

   If there were a pill for stupid....some people would have to take more than one.

   Sometimes you just need your space, so you can figure out how you fit into someone else's.