Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   I participate in optional celibacy. Roughly translated: If I'm not interested in having sex with you, I claim to be celibate.

   Will celebrate Canada Day by continuing to be unable to name one single Province they've got up there.

   The way Nicki Minaj sings is also a good reminder for women that their waxing time has arrived.

   I like you. You're just the right amount of dysfunctional that I'm attracted to.

   The cashier is wearing a tank top with no bra and instead of my ATM code all I keep typing into the machine is SIDEBOOB.

   Chris Brown has released a song about his fight with Drake. Dude, your beef is with Drake, why are you making the rest of us suffer?

   Piglets are so cute. I love it how we eat them when they get fat and ugly.

   There's someone out there for everyone. Don't worry if you're alone, your true love is just having sex with someone else right now.

   It's crazy how crazy religions think the other crazy religions are crazy and that their crazy is the right crazy. It's crazy.

   I'm so old that I remember when # was called a number sign.

   Sometimes I just feel like stopping, collaborating, and listening.

   I stopped going to church when they said I had to attend the whole thing, not just the wine tasting.

   Are there any other animals besides humans who communicate unnecessarily?

   My GPS sighs and rolls its eyes every time it says "Recalculating".

   Are you sure we haven't met before? Because I feel like I hate you from somewhere.

   I forgot to post a picture of my lunch. So it never happened...

   I'd like to punch you in the unibrow but I am gay, so I will just wax that for you.

   Film it? Really? After we're done, I don't wanna watch it.. I wanna do it again.

   I'm great at pretending I'm not an a$$hole.

   It's been so hot my balls have stopped producing sperm to focus solely on making sweat.